#me

Red tape is being mishandled as government wrapping paper. We should be putting it over politicians’ mouths instead. ↗

— Bauvard

#government #humor #politicians #red-tape #funny

While I'm fixing up this idiot. I want you to get some sleep ... and tell Amano that if he bothers you, I'll break his other leg. ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#meghan #puck #funny

Mr. Pot drank ten pots of coffee, even though I only made eight. That’s a savings of 20%!
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #coffee #funny #humor #random

I managed to beat Michael Phelps’ 400 meter IM time. And not only did I beat his time, but I did it in exactly 200 meters.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #compete #competition #competitive #delusional

Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, why don’t you go all out and write in Lucifer on the ballot?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #politicians #politics

You can't just call the Praetor. It's not like 1-800-WEREWOLF. ↗

— - Jordan Kyle Cassandra Clare

#humour #jordan-kyle #the-mortal-instruments #the-mortal-instruments-series #funny

I glared at him. “You came all the way to Essex just to spy on us?” “Yeah.” He smirked. “I crossed the street. It was really rough. ↗

— Leila Sales

#funny #funny

Maybe the other tributes are out there beating one another senseless. Which would be fine. - Katniss - ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#katniss #katniss

I was even a little glad that if it wasn’t going to be me she wanted, it was going to be someone who really deserved her. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#heartbreak #love #mortal-instruments #unrequited-love #love

If I'm going to cry, now is the time. By morning, I'll be able to wash all the damage done by the tears from my face. But no tears come. I'm too tired or too numb to cry. The only thing I feel is a desire to be somewhere else. So I let the train rock me into oblivion. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#katniss-everdeen #katniss