#mo

Woah,' I said, blocking the doorway. 'You can't come in here. This is the girls' room.' Even as it came out of my mouth, I knew it sounded dumb. Dumb, I thought and maybe even wrong. You...are a boy, aren't you?' I asked. 'I mean, don't take that the wrong way or anything -' J.Lo is a boy, yes.' I let that go. So...you Boov have boys and girls...just like us?' Of course,' said J.Lo. 'Do not be ridicumlous.' I smiled a wan little smile. 'Sorry.' The Boov have seven magnificent genders. There is boy, girl, girlboy, boygirl, boyboy, boyboygirl, and boyboyboyboy.' I had absolutely no response to this. ↗

— Adam Rex

#gender #humor #politeness #humor

Randall laid his hand on Stella's, but only to remove it from his sleeve. "My precious, you really must have some regard for my clothes," he said with gentle reproach. "Much as I love you, I cannot permit you to maul this particular coat. ↗

— Georgette Heyer

#humor

She had been a teenager once, and she knew that, despite the apparent contradictions, a person's teenage years lasted well into their fifties. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humor #humorous #immaturity #teenagers #teens

Peace be with you," I said, and as I turned to resume my journey with Coyote, I added under my breath, "and asskicking be with me. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#war #humor

Everytime I read 'Pride and Prejudice' I want to dig her up and beat her over the skull with her own shin-bone. ↗

— Mark Twain

#humor #jane-austen #humor

...I do have to wonder what sort of childhood the Grimm brothers endured. They are not a merry bunch of storytellers, what with their children roasted by witches, maidens poisoned by old crones, and whatnot. ↗

— Libba Bray

#young-adult #humor

The more she stared, the happier his dick was to swell with pride, doing a stellar flagpole imitation. About a year later, Tierney dragged her gaze away from his groin and looked him in the eye. "This is why I was against casual Thursdays. There's always that one person who takes it too far. ↗

— Lorelei James

#humor #humor

You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story. ↗

— Barney Stinson

#happiness #humor #inspirational #sadness #humor

you can eff off, too," I say, except I don't say eff, I say what 'eff' stands for. ↗

— Patrick Ness

#humor

I wish there existed philosophical delivery stations, where a person could call up and order an answer to such questions as, “Does life have meaning, and what’s the meaning of meaning?” Then a delivery guy with a thick German mustache would show up at your door within thirty minutes with an answer. And you could order a large two-topping answer for only 9.99, plus tip. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#german #humor #meaning #mustache #philosophy