#mo

I see dead people. But, then by God, I do something about it! ↗

— Dean Koontz

#humor

Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your own home. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor

That's when it happens. Maybe it was my argument. Maybe it was my scary zeal. Whatever the reason, as soon as Megan whistles, the crowd is on its feet. They're blowing bubbles. They're raising their lighters high. They're cheering through their fangs... For Dawn Summers, for themselves and each other, for every sibling who got tossed into a situation beyond her control. For me. And for my sister, who whistles again... Once more with feeling. ↗

— Cynthia Leitich Smith

#dawn #humor #sweet #humor

We can’t let it be controlled by the sorts of people who believe Voldemort was just some misunderstood sweetie who wanted everybody to be pals. ↗

— G. Norman Lippert

#humor

Discipline, Norah. If you're going to taunt them, remember to stick out your tongue. ↗

— James A. Owen

#teasing #humor

Small town folk are so mannered towards sameness. City dwellers are so classy about Chinatown, Harlem, Greenwich Village. But suburbanites are the most tolerable of all: lacking either manners or culture, they just sprawl out in their four-bedroom, two child homes and close their doors to all the other four-bedroom, two-child homes. Suburbanites don’t abide, they abed, and we’re all abetter for it, since they don’t know how to say that they don’t have anything to say. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #suburbs #funny

Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar with laughter. "That's what you get for leaving your wallet on the kitchen table. ↗

— David Sedaris

#humor #humor

Enjoy yourselves. And Hap: Don't let Umber near the arrows and bows; he's liable to shoot himself in the nose." Dodd grinned and snapped the reins, and the carriage rolled away. Umber sniffed. "One of his lesser poems. Come, Hap. ↗

— P.W. Catanese

#poetry #humor

No theory ever benefited by the application of data, Amy. Data kills theories. A theory has no better time than when it's lying there naked, pure, unsullied by facts. Let's just keep it that way for a while." "So you don't really have a theory?" "Clueless." "You lying bag of fish heads." "I can fire you, you know. Even if Clay was the one that hired you, I'm not totally superfluous to this operation yet. I'm kind of in charge. I can fire you. Then how will you live?" "I'm not getting paid." "See, right there. Perfectly good concept ruined by the application of fact. ↗

— Christopher Moore

#whales #humor

June: halfway towards the reiteration of a delusion. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #new-years-resolution #funny