#mo

I am proud of my kids, but I also want to make my mom proud of me. I'm still a momma's girl at the heart of the situation. ↗

— Tori Spelling

#am #girl #heart #i #i am

Maybe it was me," Grandma said."Sometimes they sneak out.Did I fart? ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#granmda-mazur #humor #stephanie-plum #funny

What are you thinking of so earnestly?" said he, as they walked back to the ballroom; "not of your partner, I hope, for, by that shake of the head, your meditations are not satisfactory." Catherine coloured, and said, "I was not thinking of anything." That is artful and deep, to be sure; but I had rather be told at once that you will not tell me." Well then, I will not." Thank you; for now we shall soon be acquainted, as I am authorized to tease you on this subject whenever we meet, and nothing in the world advances intimacy so much. ↗

— Jane Austen

#art

Stroking a blob as it rolled along her face with one hand, and with the other gently grasping a lump on the back of her accident-prone head, I told my sweet sack of potatoes I knew just what she needed. A thermometer reading. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#consolation #funny #thermometer #funny

I'm courteous to most, but antisocial among polite society. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#humor #manners #funny

When in doubt, ignore and be horribly unimpressed ↗

— Laurell K. Hamilton

#ignorance

I want to wear baby halos as hospital bracelets to protest abortion. I'll tell my doctor I don't need any treatment - I was born a survivor. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

I installed a skylight in my apartment...The people who live above me are furious! ↗

— Steven Wright

#humor #funny

I'm taller than my father, and taller than two of the stones at Ban Drochaid." "I meant in feet," she clarified. Speaking of the mundane gave her a measure of calm. He eyed his boots a moment and appeared to be doing some rapid calculations. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#funny #gwen #height #karen-marie-moning #kiss-of-the-highlander

I am too much alien and not enough monkey to fit in here. ↗

— Melissa St. Hilaire

#fitting-in #funny #monkey #funny