#mo

It says 'Shadowhunters; looking better in black than the window of our enemies since 1234." [Jace] ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

Well, you'll have to wait till tomorrow. I'm out of commission." (he points to his shirt) "Look. Jammies. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

If women were as good as men they'd be a lot better! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#men #women #humor

Lines drawn into his face suggested he had spent many years thinking very hard over very difficult problems. ↗

— Marissa Meyer

#humor

He's so unlucky it's almost lucky," Gren said. "It's like he has reverse luck." "He's reverse good-looking, too" said Hyde. "I'm going to reverse punch you," Strag said to his brother. "That was reverse smart, man. It means you're going to punch yourself. ↗

— Veronica Rossi

#humor #hyde #strag #humor

A brick could be used as a floatation device. But only use it if the person drowning is a politician.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

THERE ARE SOME MEN who enter a woman’s life and screw it up forever. Joseph Morelli did this to me—not forever, but periodically. ↗

— Janet Evanovich

#humor

They said they respect me, which means, their judgment is crazy. ↗

— Morrissey

#lyrics #music #humor

Liz asked me the other day what I thought about twice baked potatoes. How the fuck should I know? Was I supposed to be thinking about twice baked potatoes all this time? Is this where I went wrong? Are grown men supposed to have an opinion about twice baked potatoes? ↗

— Tara Sivec

#futures-and-frosting #humor #marriage #tara-sivec #humor

How would you like to star in your very own commercial?" "I'd rather swim in battery acid. ↗

— Robin Benway

#humor #wait #young-adult-fiction #humor