#mo

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up. ↗

— George Carlin

#funny #humor #funny

In Hollywood if you don't have a shrink, people think you're crazy. ↗

— Johnny Carson

#entertainment #funny #hollywood #humor #insanity

I prefer dead writers because you don't run into them at parties. ↗

— Fran Lebowitz

#humour #funny

He nuzzled my neck, inhaling deeply. “Mmm. You smell so good.” “Oh, yeah,” I said, smirking. “I call this new perfume ‘Le Jungle grime et tropical BO.’ ” “Dirt and sweat. Very sexy. ↗

— James Patterson

#humor #lol #love #otp #qué-romántico

Welcome to Telepathics Anonymous. Don’t bother introducing yourself. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #telepathy #funny

That's the funny thing, she thought. You always want things to get better, but you never know how good you already have it. ↗

— Scott Speer

#maddy #funny

She crushed it, telling herself she was going to add Big in front of her Idiot tattoo. ↗

— Nalini Singh

#humor

Kicking a police car? Really?' Caleb shrugged. 'Car offended me. It was sitting right where I wanted to stand. What would you do? ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#dark-hunter #funny #nhumour #funny

Every other girl in school thinks you're the hottest thing since the microwave. ↗

— Linda Kage

#humour #funny

I didn't really know what I wanted to do, and then I got this call from a casting director in Los Angeles. She remembered me from something years before, and she called my mom wanting me to audition for this thing. ↗

— Scott Speedman

#audition #before #call #called #casting