#na

It’s not technically gossip if you start your sentence with “I’m really concerned about __________________ ,” (fill in the name of the person you’re not gossiping about). ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#humor #observational-comedy #observations #humor

What's the matter with her? [Jasper] asked Griffin. Griffin shook his head. 'Nothing. She's just two personas struggling for dominance in one body.' [Jasper] ... Poor little thing. ↗

— Kady Cross

#nonchalance #split-personality #humor

Louisiana is a fresh-air mental asylum. ↗

— James Lee Burke

#insanity #louisiana #humor

Want me to flex my magic for you, baby? ↗

— Sarah Rees Brennan

#humor #magic #nick-rvyves #the-demon-s-covenant #humor

It is impossible to imagine existence void of any intelligence. ↗

— Kedar Joshi

#intelligence #imagination

Oh noes, kitteh haz major angriez!” I said. I turned around to share a laugh with my companions and found them glaring at me. “What?” I asked. Leif shook a finger and said in a low, menacing tone, “If you tell me I have to talk like an illiterate halfwit to fit into this society, I will punch you.” “And I’ll pull out your goatee,” Gunnar added. “Lolcat iz new happeh wai 2 talk,” I explained to them. “U doan haz 2 be kitteh 2 speek it. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#gunnar #humor #leif #humor

This is your copy of Advanced Potion-Making, is it, Potter?” “Yes,” said Harry, still breathing hard. “You’re quite sure of that, are you, Potter?” “Yes,” said Harry, with a touch more defiance. “This is the copy of Advanced Potion-Making that you purchased from Flourish and Blotts?” “Yes,” said Harry firmly. “Then why,” asked Snape, “does it have the name ‘Roonil Wazlib’ written inside the front cover?” Harry’s heart missed a beat. “That’s my nickname,” he said. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #potions #ron-weasley #severus-snape #humor

I prefer to make up my own quotes and attribute them to very smart people, so that I can use them to win arguments ↗

— Albert Einstein

#lies #snark #humor

Go fuck yourself," I replied, always the lady. "I'm staying here. ↗

— Ava Gardner

#fighting #frank-sinatra #humor #humor

Can you believe it? Fifty miles from McDonald's. I didn't think there was anywhere in the world that was fifty miles from McDonald's. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#humor #mcdonald-s #humor