#nap

More people are leaving TV behind to read my books than ever before. In the last year alone I gained over two readers (three, to be exact). So I’d like to take a moment and say thanks mom, dad, and kidnap victim I keep chained in the basement. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#books #coercion #dad #family #gratitude

A mafia don could snap his fingers and somebody would snap my neck. But when I snap my fingers, people start dancing. Or at least my clones would.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dancing #family #fingers #mafia #people

I have always loved camping, ever since I was eight, and was forcibly stuffed in a trunk and dropped off in the middle of the forest. My dad was a complex man, but I believe he was trying to show me the value of camping. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#dad #funny #hilarious #humor #kidnapping

The best birthday present I ever got from my grandpa was a skinny black tie. It didn’t come in a bag, a box, or even rolled up in tissue paper. It came wrapped in wisdom. As soon as he gave it to me he said, “A tie would make a stronger impression on your boss if you used it as a blindfold and kidnapped him. That‘s why I bought you a black one. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#blindfold #funny #kidnapped #wisdom #funny

Napoleon made war like I make love—from a height of about 68 centimeters. (I wear platform shoes while I’m on my knees) ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#love #napoleon #war #funny

I just took a little nap. I stole it from an infant.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#baby #humor #infant #nap #sleep

I know who I am, and I know who you are, and nothing else matters. it's how we live our life. ↗

— Tal McThenia

#identity #kidnapping #true-story #life

Could it be that the great Bonaparte is incapable of fathering a child? that it is not I who am at fault but you? ↗

— Carolly Erickson

#good-one #josephine-bonaparte #life

This is what I think, but I don't say the words because the counterpoint of yes and no, love and hate, fear and longing, the need to tear down and the need to build up are synonymous and one. ↗

— Robert Vivian

#love

~“She likes my dog, doesn’t take my crap, and looks at me like I can be the kind of man Dad was. When she cooks…she wears this apron…And I love her so damn much that I have no idea how I’m suppose to wake up tomorrow and pretend like my life hasn’t just fucking ended” Marco Delucca ↗

— Marina Adair

#marco-delucca #st-helena-vineyard #summerin-napa #love