#nonsense

If one unlabeled bottle holds nonfat milk, what does the second unlabeled bottle contain? If you answered “Whole milk” then you’re obviously not ready to receive a jug of my love. So I’ll just pour it in someone else’s coffee.
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— Jarod Kintz

#label #labels #love #milk #nonsense

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got a fur sink. An electric dog polisher. A gasoline powered turtleneck sweater. And, of course, I bought some dumb stuff, too. ↗

— Steve Martin

#money #nonsense #rich #humor

Love will find you eventually, I guarantee it. That’s why you need to buy an invisible cloak from me for the one-time low price of $77,777.77. Offer valid for emotional invalids only. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#emotions #guarantee #invalid #invisibility #invisible-cloak

Love gives you wings. Icarus and the Challenger both had wings, and so did my first love letter, after I folded it up and flung it at my crush.
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— Jarod Kintz

#challenger #crush #explosion #flung #icarus

I made myself an “I Love Jennifer” jacket out of my old “I Love Jenn” jacket. Two girls, one continuous love. The I Love Jennifer is a little off-center, but then so am I. Better than being self-centered, as my clone would probably say. 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clone #clothing #commitment #devotion #i-love-jenn

Love lets us ride on its back as if it were a camel. But you’ve got to water it, or it won’t grow into a healthy rose bush. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#health #healthy #love #nonsense #ride

At the Temple of the Seven-Handed Sek a hasty convocation of priests and ritual heart-transplant artisans agreed that the hundred-span-high statue of Sek was altogether too holy to be made into a magic picture, but a payment of two rhinu left them astoundedly agreeing that perhaps He wasn't as holy as all that. A prolonged session at the Whore Pits produced a number of colourful and instrutive pictures, a number of which Rincewind concealed about his person for detailed perusal in private. As the fumes cleared from his brain he began to speculate seriously as to how the iconograph worked. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#nonsense #religion #religion

A little nonsense now and then, Is cherished by the wisest men. ↗

— John August

#wisdom #men

I just realized my lips are inside out. They should be turned inwards, because I spend most of my time talking to myself. 
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— Jarod Kintz

#communication #inside-out #introvert #lips #lunatic

I have known a vast quantity of nonsense talked about bad men not looking you in the face. Don't trust that conventional idea. Dishonesty will stare honesty out of countenance any day in the week, if there is anything to be got by it. ↗

— Charles Dickens

#any #anything #bad #bad men #conventional