#ny

Mal snickered. "What's so funny?" "I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him. ↗

— Leigh Bardugo

#funny #mal #funny

Come live with us, Diana. Don't argue. Just say yes." Diana looked at the ground to hide her emotions. Then she said, "Would I have to be hearing you two going at it night and day? ↗

— Michael Grant

#come-live-with-us #diana #funny #gone #gone-series

Paddle Harder ↗

— Lauren Myracle

#inspirational #funny

Yeah, well, wish in one hand, crap in the other, and see which fills up first ↗

— S.A. Bodeen

#s-a-bodeen #the-compound #wit #funny

Don’t believe what you hear about those penguins. A species of lazy waddlers. Their extinction is immanent. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #penguins #funny

And the last thought he had that morning as he closed his eyes was: I hope the tornado hit the moose. ↗

— Gary Paulsen

#funny

she committed suicide by putting her extremities down the garbage disposal-first one arm and then, kind of miraculously if you think about it, the other arm. ↗

— David Foster Wallace

#suicide #funny

Harley-Davidson," she said. "Sweet. ↗

— Stieg Larsson

#harley-davidson #lisbeth-salander #funny

Fredrika Bimm, what do you think you're doing?" "Freaking out. Losing my mind. Thinking about snapping your husband's spine. Squashing the urge to vomit. Wishing I had died at childbirth." "Oh, you say that when you don't get a prize in your Lucky Charms. ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#funny #humour #funny

It means the third rail has seven hundred volts of direct current running through it. Touch it and you're human popcorn ↗

— James Patterson

#funny #max #popcorn #ride #funny