#ny

Christopher throws dandelion head after dandelion head into his bag. It's getting heavy now and his fingers are stained from the work but there are still so many left to kill. His biggest mistake is giving them names. ↗

— Brian Martinez

#funny #odd #quirky #weeds #funny

A ransom note, the true test of unconditional love. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #kidnapping #love #funny

I was a cool person in college, but now that I’m old I’m just nifty. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #funny

I don’t believe in a lot of phenomena that fall under the term ‘parapsychology.’ Especially that one branch, psychology. You’re going to tell me there’s something inside my head, controlling me? ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #psychology #funny

Miranda: You say you were my guardian angel. Does that mean you watched me all the time? Like when I got my period or doctored a zit or took a shower or- Zachary: I'm an angel, not a Peeping Tom. ↗

— Cynthia Leitich Smith

#funny

PRECOGNITION, TELEPATHY, BULLSHIT! EAT MY DONG, YOU EXTRASENSORY TURKEY! ↗

— Stephen King

#humor #funny

she shall scant show well that now shows best. ↗

— William Shakespeare

#jealousy #funny

The great William Shakespeare said, "What's in a name?" He also said, "Call me Billy one more time and I will stab you with this ink quill. ↗

— Cuthbert Soup

#name #quill #william-shakespeare #funny

We’re wasting time here. I’ve got a sweet ass to paddle. Some legs to spread… ↗

— Starla Kaye

#domestic-discipline #erotic-romance #funny #romance #spanking

Unless the object of the singer’s affection is a vampire, surely what Hart means is unphotogenic. Only vampires are unphotographable, but affectionate ‘-enic’ rhymes are hard to come by. ↗

— Stephen Sondheim

#lyricism #my-funny-valentine #rhymes #songwriting #valentine