#ny

He who laughs last ... just didn't get the joke. ↗

— Carroll Bryant

#funny-but-true #humor #humorous #humorous-quotes #funny

Otter! Otter! Otter! Don’t lead cows to slaughter! I love you, and I know I should’ve told you soon-a But you didn’t buy the dolphin-safe tuna! ↗

— T.J. Klune

#poetry #funny

Silena appeared out of the woods, her sword drawn. Her Aphrodite armour was pink and red, colour coordinated to match her clothes and makeup. She looked like Guerilla Warfare Barbie. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#pink #silena-beauregard #funny

And so really, you have given me no choice but to take you shopping by force.” She sighed, then reached up, dropping her sunglasses down from their perch on her head to cover her eyes. “Do you even realize how happy the average teenage girl would be in your shoes? I have a credit card. We’re at the mall. I want to buy you things. It’s like adolescent nirvana.” - Cora ↗

— Sarah Dessen

#funny

Haskell to Quinlin You need anything, Quin, absolutely anything, you call me and I'll be there. Remember, friends help you move. Good friends help you move a body. Best friends bring their own shovel. You say the word, and I'll be there with a spanking new shovel. Or holy water and an exorcism ritual. Whatever works. ↗

— I.D. Locke

#funny

I think we are going to have to love ourselves. Fuck. ↗

— Liz Tuccillo

#love #single #funny

There wasn't a lot of bullshit in my heaven. ↗

— Alice Sebold

#funny #life-quotes #funny

I know how to tell a woman I love her in seventeen syllables or less. I’m not talking about a haiku, I’m talking about grunts from an orgasm. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#haiku #orgasm #funny

Life Is Too Short--So Kiss Slowly, Laugh Insanely, Love Truly, And Live With Passion. ↗

— Andy Vogt

#erotic-massage #humor #massage #mysteries #paperbacks

-What's so funny?" "-Sorry," David said, reddening again. "You just taste so sweet." "-What do you mean, sweet?" He licked his bottom lip one more time. "-You taste like honey." "-Honey?" "-Yeah, I thought I was going nuts the day...well, you know, that one day. But it was the same today. Your mouth is really sweet." He paused for a second, then grinned. "-Hot like honey-like nectar. That makes more sense." "-Great. Now I'm going to have to explain that to everyone I kiss for the rest of my life unless it's you or another faerie." She'd almost said Tamani's name. Her fingers flew to the ring around her neck. David shrugged. "-Then don't kiss anyone except me." "-David..." "-I'm just offering up the obvious solution," he said, hands up in protest. ↗

— Aprilynne Pike

#funny #kiss #laurel #wings #funny