#ny

Fame is a funny thing, like a secret, both are hard to keep. ↗

— Richard Peck

#secrets #funny

It’s just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there. ↗

— Andy Rooney

#funny #hell #funny

Whoa, son,” said Atticus. “Nobody’s about to make you go anywhere but to bed pretty soon. I’m just going over to tell Miss Rachel you’re here and ask her if you could spend the night with us—you’d like that, wouldn’t you? And for goodness’ sake put some of the county back where it belongs, the soil erosion’s bad enough as it is.” Dill stared at my father’s retreating figure. “He’s tryin‘ to be funny,” I said. “He means take a bath. See there, I told you he wouldn’t bother you. ↗

— Harper Lee

#funny

A blanket could be twirled in the air, like a new idea in your mind, and then either discarded or folded up like a wearable memory.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #funny

Her descriptions will be incandescent, perfect little nuggets of phraseology, and there will probably be lots of sex in her writing - the clinical type of sex with labias and clitorises and tongues going everywhere. ↗

— Susan Breen

#humor #sex #writing #funny

I have never sought to displease; I merely seek pleasure and avoid the pain it causes those who work to produce it. That is what it means to live by the leisure principle. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #leisure #pain #pleasure #funny

JESSICA: My preparation for motherhood began with hiking. LUKE: And where did your preparation for hiking begin? JESSICA: In the same place as my preparation for motherhood: with the birds and the bees. And you are not mature enough to have that conversation without asking about pollination strategies or ornithological classification. ↗

— Bauvard

#hiking #humor #motherhood #funny

Nursery-rhyme morality has gotten me into no end of trouble, largely because it is presented through such fine poetry. Nursery rhymes dramatize the eternal conflict between aesthetics and ethics in a manner that every child can appreciate. There isn’t an adult walking around today that hasn’t been psychologically devastated by them. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #morality #nursery-rhymes #poetry

I ate a rainbow in a bowl, because it’s better than eating rain soup. Food and water aren’t supposed to be one and the same.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #humor #rain #rain-soup #rainbow

On my way to the parking lot, in quick succession, I saw students wearing t-shirts which read, “Save the whales. Collect the whole set,” “Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now,” and “Half the people you know are below average.” Typical for the Eastern student body. ↗

— Neil Plakcy

#humor #funny