#ny

I want to write a book about shoes that’s full of footnotes. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #shoes #write #writing-a-book #funny

Every politician has a promising career. Unfortunately, most of them do not keep those promises. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#politician #politics #promises #funny

Screw this. He’d blown his shot at nice-and-easy, which only left quick-and-brutal—my favorite way to play. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#funny

A banker is a man who will lend you the short sleeve shirt off his back and demand a long sleeve one in return. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #interest #lending #funny

Magnus raised his hands above his head and clapped once. The room flooded with light. "You see? You think that would be possible without magic? "Actually," replied Simon, "It is. If you watched infomercials you'd know that. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#magic #magnus-bane #funny

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth. ↗

— George Bernard Shaw

#truth #funny

What's that?" he asked, when I stood beside him again. "Halos," I said with a grin. "For heavenly creatures like us." "That might be a stretch. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#funny #rose #funny

Jem gave her a wistful look. “Must you go? I was rather hoping that you’d stay and be a ministering angel, but if you must go, you must.” “I’ll stay,” Will said a bit crossly, and threw himself down in the armchair Tessa had just vacated. “I can minister angelically.” “None too convincingly. And you’re not as pretty to look at as Tessa is,” Jem said, closing his eyes as he leaned back against the pillow. “How rude. Many who have gazed upon me have compared it to gazing at the radiance of the sun.” Jem still had his eyes closed. “If they mean that it gives you a headache, they aren’t wrong. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #jem-carstairs #will-herondale #friendship

I will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fish-tank #funny #nonsense #pacifism #funny

Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer. ↗

— Ellen DeGeneres

#funny