#ny

You look like a hot tamale.” “That’s not really a compliment. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

Good cheaters always have honest intentions towards each other. It is what makes a fair advantage possible. ↗

— Bauvard

#fairness #funny #humor #funny

Peaches found herself wondering if Mary, a tiny brunette with an unprepossessing manner and less than ‘stellar’ work ethics, had to play Where’s Waldo to find Steve’s dick beneath his gigantic waistline. ↗

— A.T. Hicks

#funny #outrageous-behavior #penis-size #funny

The big male gestured to a chair in the corner. "Mind if I sit?" She nodded her acquiescence. "Go right ahead. That chair has seen more tail than a rock star lately. ↗

— Elisabeth Staab

#funny-humor #siddoh #funny

One must binge constantly to remain self-employed. To sober up would result in getting fired for over-efficiency. ↗

— Bauvard

#binging #employment #funny #humor #sobriety

My marriage is crumbling and this hat is all I have left in the world - aside from my brilliant wit, my dastardly good looks, and my charming accent. ↗

— Bauvard

#hats #humor #marriage #funny

When wearing a loincloth is not customary, it is risque. Being old-fashioned never goes out of style. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #loincloths #old-fashioned #style #underwear

V.L.A.D.: Vampire League Against Discrimination. ↗

— Carrie Vaughn

#funny #humor #vampires #vlad #funny

If I could bronze my love, it’d be worthy of a silver medal.
 ↗

— Dark Jar Tin Zoo

#funny #humor #love #medal #silver-medal

I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#applaud #applause #approve #clap #clapping