#o

Damn it! I knew she was a monster! John! Amy! Listen! Guard your buttholes. ↗

— David Wong

#funny #hilarious #spiders #funny

Coveralls," I reply, and I know I'm no longer screening what's coming out of my mouth. He raises a eyebrow, amused yet again. "You wouldn't want to ruin your clothing." I gesture vaguely in the direction of his jeans. "I could always take them off." He smirks. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia #anastasia-steele #christian #christian-grey #e-l-james

After a time he fell asleep, and some unsteady fairies had to climb over him on their way home from an orgy. ↗

— J.M. Barrie

#funny #humor #humour #funny

She ignores me, so I cup my hands over my mouth and do something I haven’t done in years— barnyard sounds. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humour #romance #young-adult-fiction #young-adult-romance #funny

I know the path by heart, by heart- a funny expression, so true. My heart knows right where to go. ↗

— Cynthia Hand

#heart #love #unearthly #funny

The traditional rapist is a reluctant husband, but an eager honeymooner. The modern woman is a reluctant honeymooner, but an eager ring bearer. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #rape #women #funny

Somewhere in the background of magnificence lurks the kitchen staff. But a magnificent person only forgets about his origins, never his brunch. ↗

— Bauvard

#greatness #humor #magnificence #meals #funny

There's a fine line between funny and annoying – and it's exactly the width of a quotation mark. ↗

— Martha Brockenbrough

#grammar #grammar-humor #quotation-marks #funny

I was once honest with myself, on April Fool's day. I thought it would be the best practical joke ever, but I realized I'd already been the butt of an even bigger one. My birth. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #honesty #humor #practical-jokes #funny

This Life is not what we have, it is what we believe in.... ↗

— Saurabh Dudeja

#love #love-life #love