#omen

I'd made the vampire cry. Great. I felt like a real superhero. Harry Dresden, breaker of monsters' hearts. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #women #humor

When something needs to be said, you look for a man to say it. But when something needs actually to be done, you look for a woman. ↗

— P.B. Kerr

#men #women #humor

And before you barrel through some idiotic Cosmo girl list of how-well-do-you-know-your-man questions, let me say that I don't know squat about him except that he kisses like a god and screws like a devil. ↗

— Kristin Hannah

#women #humor

...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?' Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it. I don't say it out loud, of course, because Jerry Lewis is a great philanthropist, Hitchens is very sick, and the third guy I made up. ↗

— Tina Fey

#feminism #humor #women #funny

Some women remind you of a good book. Others remind you of a bad movie. ↗

— Darnell Lamont Walker

#movies

You are a wise man, Major, and I will consider your advice with great care--and humility." He finished his tea and rose from the table to go to his room. "But I must ask you, do you really understand what it means to be in love with an unsuitable woman?" "My dear boy," said the Major. "Is there really any other kind? ↗

— Helen Simonson

#love #women #humor

Basically, all women are nurturers and healers, and all men are mental patients to varying degrees. ↗

— Nelson DeMille

#men #men-and-women #mental-illness #relationships #women

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money. ↗

— E.W. Howe

#women #humor

Well, in the first place girls never marry the men they flirt with. Girls don't think it right. ↗

— Oscar Wilde

#humor #marriage #women #humor

He found Luciana sitting alone at a table in the Allied officers' night club, where the drunken Anzac major who had brought her there had been stupid enough to desert her for the ribald company of some singing comrades at the bar. "All right, I'll dance with you," she said, before Yossarian could even speak. "But I won't let you sleep with me." "Who asked you?" Yossarian asked her. "You don't want to sleep with me?" she exclaimed with surprise. "I don't want to dance with you. ↗

— Joseph Heller

#sex #women #humor