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I USED TO make love. Now I Make coffee.


Chocolate Waters


#humor #poetry #sex #humor

Ellysetta was sitting at the secretary in Rain's suite, penning a note to her parents, when Bel burst through the doors. The other members of the quintet followed so swiftly that all five warriors nearly ended up in a heap on the floor. They were breathless and flushed, perspiration trickling down the sides of their faces. Kieran bent over, hands on his knees, and dragged air into his lungs. "Well done,brothers. We beat the smug chervil.” "You all look like you could use a drink." Cool and unwinded, Gaelen smiled at the new arrivals from the sofa near the window. "Water? Or perhaps something a little stronger to help you regain your strength?


C.L. Wilson


#humor

Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is knowing that a tomato doesn't belong in a fruit salad.


Miles Kington


#humor

All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.


Billy Connolly


#humor #route- #humor

I jumped as Finn seemingly materialized next to me. I couldn’t tell if he was talking about the ocean or my desire to be close to him. I lost all train of thought as he fixed his blue eyes on me. “What are you doing here?” I said, a little too spastic. “Baking cookies,” he smirked at me. “You shouldn’t tease me like that, it’s dangerous. I take baked goods very seriously.” A slow smile formed on his lips. “Dangerous happens to be my specialty,” he said in a low voice, taking a step closer to me. My entire body warmed. He was like my own personal bonfire.


Kristen Day


#humor #stasia #humor

For it was intelligence that was the thin line between endearing rapscallion and idiot bastard. - Éibhear the Contemptible


G.A. Aiken


#intelligence #humor

<> Me, too...Huh, maybe I do like Tom Cruise. But I hate feeling pressured to find him attractive. I don't.


Rainbow Rowell


#humor

I applied for the University of Life. Didn't get the grades.


David Nicholls


#humor #life #humor

Fate is a fickle bitch who dotes on irony.” The Black Company pg 447


Glen Cook


#the-black-company #humor

There is truth in wine, but you never see it listed in the ingredients on the label


Josh Stern


#ingredients #label #truth #wine #humor






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