#or

As a confirmed melancholic, I can testify that the best and maybe only antidote for melancholia is action. However, like most melancholics, I suffer also from sloth. ↗

— Edward Abbey

#cures #depression #depression-humor #modern-life #humor

Biting enemies seems to be acceptable in a surprisingly narrow range of circumstances, or so a ninja shouted at me once ↗

— Steve Aylett

#humor

The combination of ammonia and chloride can be lethal but I've discovered it can work miracles as long as you keep telling yourself, "I want to love, I want to live... ↗

— David Sedaris

#funny #humor #joke #funny

Mrs. Palmer is a teacher so naturally I assumed she would never do anything good for me. ↗

— Jim Benton

#diary #dumb #humor #teacher #humor

It's easy to sit on a mountaintop and tell people what to do and how to be happy. I have chosen to do that. Not because it's easy, but for a different reason, which I would reveal, if your mind was ready to handle it, which it isn't, which is also very convenient for me. ↗

— Eugene Mirman

#humor

Over the years I've received thousands of e-mails looking for guidance. Some have real problems; some talk about monkeys and poo--though those people may also have real problems. ↗

— Eugene Mirman

#humor #humor

No one else understands us 7th sense people. They regard us as freaks. When we point out illiterate mistakes, we are often aggressively instructed to 'get a life' by people who, interestingly, display no evidence of having lives themselves. ↗

— Lynne Truss

#humor

Better than a sharp stick in the eye. ↗

— James Williams

#life #humor

Meanwhile, back at reality..."- G.Lucas ↗

— Robert Lynn Asprin

#humor #humor

Justin: "Say hi to Paul Thompson for me," he added. Madeline: "Garrlgh," I gagged. The corner of his lips curled up. Justin: "What was that?" Madeline: "That was vomit creeping up the back of my mouth when you mentioned Paul's name. ↗

— Katie Kacvinsky

#humor