#or

Look! A trickle of water running through some dirt! I'd say our afternoon just got booked solid! ↗

— Bill Watterson

#calvin-and-hobbes #comic #comic-strips #comics #hobbes

Just stay still, if you stay still it can't find you. That's sharks, you idiot. Sharks and dinosaurs. This isn't Jurassic Park. ↗

— Kelley Armstrong

#humor #internal-thoughts #monsters-in-the-dark #sharks #humor

Hotter than me? --Jace ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#jace-humor #mortal-instruments #humor

Because baby, I'm wild pussy and wild pussy can't be bought. Wild pussy doesn't like having pretty things thrown at it and being expected to do the samba on someone's cock in return. Wild pussy doesn't do deals. Wild pussy lives free and for itself and takes it however it likes it; on a bed, on a couch, on the hood of a car, in a bathroom stall or up against a wall in an alleyway and it laughs the entire time. I've known you for a while now Chase. I know you've never had wild pussy and I know you never will. Wild pussy doesn't fuck uptight cock. And it sure as hell doesn't like silk boxers ↗

— Madeline Sheehan

#humor #sex #humor

Fuck! Is one expected to be a gentleman when one is stiff? ↗

— Marquis de Sade

#sadism #sex #humor

Slumber party with Dracula, all things considerd why not? ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#humor #humor

Not too fast," called Raoul. "Let's not scare anyone." "His majesty said with all deliberate speed!" chirped the courier. He flinched under Lerant's glare. "That's how we're doing it," Raoul told him. "Deliberately. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#humor

It's a well-known fact. All women are clinically insane, but especially ballet dancers. Psycho. extremely psycho. Trust me. ↗

— Marisa de los Santos

#humor

It is worth repeating at this point the theories that Ford had come up with, on his first encounter with human beings, to account for their peculiar habit of continually stating and restating the very very obvious, as in "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it, we're going to die." His first theory was that if human beings didn't keep exercising their lips, their mouths probably shriveled up. After a few months of observation he had come up with a second theory, which was this--"If human beings don't keep exercising their lips, their brains start working. ↗

— Douglas Adams

#humor

Yves. You are goint to love him all over again when you meet him, believe me. You're married.' 'I'm what? But I can't be more than eighteen!' 'My son is very persuasive,' said Saul proudly. ↗

— Joss Stirling

#humour #joss #love #memory #phee