#or

I honk at protestors to show my support, and also tell them to get the fuck out of my way. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #protest #funny

You are not showing her my baby pictures!” He sounded horrified, which made me laugh. “Come on, Evan,” I teased with a laughing smile, “you were adorable. ↗

— Rebecca Donovan

#baby-pictures #breathing #emma-thomas #evan-mathews #funny

I think therefore I am... I think. ↗

— George Carlin

#george-carlin #humor #funny

If I could get hold of something nasty and drop it in the coffee urn, I could poison them all." "Too bad your personality's not water-soluble. ↗

— Jesse Hajicek

#humor #funny

Tell me, Lothaire, I want to know. Convince me why I should love you.” “Because any other female would! ↗

— Kresley Cole

#funny #humour #paranormal-romance #romance #funny

You're not going to tell me they built fifty-foot-high killer golems, are you?" "Only a man would think of that. It's our job," said Moist. "If you don't think of fifty-foot-high killer golems first, someone else will. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#funny #humor #irony #men #weapons

The world looks very different to me now at twenty. I have outgrown my early opinions and ideals with my short dresses, just as Mrs. Walton said we would. Now the critics can say 'Thou waitest till thy woman's fingers wrought the best that lay within thy woman's heart. ↗

— Annie Fellows Johnston

#funny #sophomoric #funny

I compensate for my debauchery by being brilliant at it. I make sacrifices for it by waking up in a gutter covered in the fruits of my genius. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #funny

It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you, Hazel Grace ↗

— John Green

#best-book-ever #cute #funny #humour #john-green

In the old legends, Arachne had gotten into trouble because of pride. She’d bragged about her tapestries being better than Athena’s, which had led to Mount Olympus’s first reality TV punishment program: 'So You Think You Can Weave Better Than a Goddess?' Arachne had lost in a big way. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#athena #funny #humor #lol #wicked