#or

It is a curious fact that small boys are more terrified of their babysitters than small girls are. In part, this is because small girls and babysitters, who are usually slightly larger girls, belong to the same species, and therefore understand each other. Small boys, on the other hand, do not understand girls, and therefore being looked after by one is a little like a hamster being looked after by a shark. If you are a small boy, it may be some consolation to you to know that even large boys do not understand girls, and girls, by and large, do not understand boys. This makes adult life very interesting. ↗

— John Connolly

#children #humorous #humor

That's all you've got for me?" I drew a long breath and let it out slowly. "You know. I might be able to get more clues from Google. ↗

— Jayde Scott

#humor #inspirational #humor

He stripped to his trunks, then dove into the pool. We all watched as he broke the surface and climbed from the water, his muscles slick and wet, his green eyes glowing in the half light of the glass ceiling. I heard Natalie and Sara both sigh, and Harry murmur that it almost made him want to go gay. Coby stretched out on a chaise beside me and asked, “So you still sorry you moved here? ↗

— Lee Nichols

#humor #pretty #humor

Just so you know Labrodor retrivers do not howl.Begals Howl.Wolves howl. Labs do not howl, at lestnot well. Marley attempted twice to howl, both times in answer to a passing police siren, tossing back his head, forming his mouth into an O shape, and letting loose the most pathetic sound Ihave ever heard, more like gargling than answering the call of the wild. Butnow,no question about it he was howling. ↗

— John Grogan

#humor

How do you kill something that's already dead? Nobody knows enough about them. Ask Jason. He'll have an opinion. Wait a moment. Rachel could see Corinne talking to Jason, but they were too far ahead to hear. He says you chop them up into little pieces. But what if that infects you with the disease? Jason leaned closer to answer Corinne quietly. She laughed. You let Nollin do it. ↗

— Brandon Mull

#brandon #humor #mull #rebellion #seeds

Stalking the Angel [Joe]"I could off anybody in this place five times over." [Elvis]"Could you off someone and get away with you here?" [Joe]Head shake. "I'm too good even for me. ↗

— Robert Crais

#humor

When you are tired of life, come to Haven. And someone will kill you. ↗

— Simon R. Green

#humor

I learned early and at that kitchen table that there are ways of avoiding, without guilt, the commitments of love. ↗

— P.D. James

#humor #humour #love #theo #humor

go home, riley. rest and recover from your wounds. i'll see you in the morning" quinn said no, you won't ####### see me in the morning. or any other morning. riley" #### off ↗

— Keri Arthur

#humor

A girl got a nosebleed, so I gave her a tampon and warned her about the responsibilities of womanhood. “You’re going to get a lot of guys trying to stick things up there,” I said. Now she’s a mouth breather. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #menstrual-cycles #nosebleeds #womanhood #funny