#or

There was a horrible smell in the kitchen the next morning when Harry went in for breakfast. It seemed to be coming from a large metal tub in the sink. He went to have a look. The tub was full of what looked like dirty rags swimming in gray water. "What's this?" he asked Aunt Petunia. "Your new school uniform," she said. Harry looked in the bowl again. "Oh," he said, "I didn't realize it had to be so wet. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor

I wanted to put a reference to masturbation in one of the scripts for the Sandman. It was immediately cut by the editor [Karen Berger]. She told me, "There's no masturbation in the DC Universe." To which my reaction was, "Well that explains a lot about the DC Universe. ↗

— Neil Gaiman

#masturbation #humor

We're lost, but we're making good time. ↗

— Yogi Berra

#humor

I do not scruple to employ mendacity and a fictitious appearance of female incompetence when the occasion demands it. ↗

— Elizabeth Peters

#humor #women #humor

I should have mixed something stronger than Coke floats. ↗

— Rachel Vincent

#humor

‎No people whose word for 'yesterday' is the same as their word for 'tomorrow' can be said to have a firm grip on the time. ↗

— Salman Rushdie

#humor #india #past #time #humor

Who shall I shoot? You choose. Now, listen very carefully: where's your coffee? You've got coffee, haven't you? C'mon, everyone's got coffee! Spill the beans! ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#coffee #humor #humor

I try to make my comments like a woman's skirt: long enough to be respectable and short enough to be interesting. ↗

— Adam Clayton Powell

#guide #how-to #humor #men #women

Bring it, Darth Bathrobe! ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #humor #humor

Why couldn't the merciful God turn down the sunlight so it wasn't blasting like a red furnace against his aching eyes? Because he'd worshipped the god of beer, thats why. He'd broken a commandment and worshipped the false and foamy god of beer. And now he was being punished. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#humor