#or

Gas Attendant: "Thata ain't no etch-a-sketch. Thats one doodle that can't be un-did home skillet. ↗

— Diablo Cody

#juno #humor

You're alive!" Percy said to the others. "The giants said you were captured. What happened?" Leo shrugged. "Oh, just another brilliant plan by Leo Valdez. You'd be amazed what you can do with an Archimedes sphere, a girl who can sense stuff underground, and a weasel." "I was the weasel," Frank said glumly. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#humor

The shortest distance between two people is a smile. ↗

— Victor Borge

#kindness #music #victor-borge #humor

Sarcasm creates a chasm between yourself and others. ↗

— Gayle Forman

#sarcasm #humor

Properly practiced, knitting soothes the troubled spirit, and it doesn't hurt the untroubled spirit either. ↗

— Elizabeth Zimmermann

#knitting #life #humor

Many complain of their looks, few of their brains. ↗

— Sally Koslow

#life #humor

Claire to Tony: "I know you enjoy coffee, I'd offer you some. But, the last time I got you coffee, it didn't work out so well for me. ↗

— Aleatha Romig

#humor

Here's something for you to remember; you might have been born into money, but you came out of a vagina the same as everyone else. Popping out of one that's rich doesn't make you anything but lucky, or susceptible to being stuck your own arse. Whichever. ↗

— Suzanne Wright

#you-got-told #humor

Theres no such thing as vampire mojo,"said Jace,rather eeirly echoing Clarys earlier comment."And I was following Clary,but then she got into a cab,and I cant follow a cab.So I doubled back and followed you instead.Mostly for something to do" "You were following Clary?"Simon echoed."Heres a hot tip : Most girls dont like being stalked ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a thirty-something woman in possession of a satisfying career and fabulous hairdo must be in want of very little ↗

— Shannon Hale

#romantic-humor #humor