#ow

The flowers like me back. ↗

— John H. Carroll

#flowers #humor #humor

I could dance with you till the cows come home. Better still, I'll dance with the cows and you come home." Groucho Marx was never one to pass up an opportunity for a play on words and this occurs in his dialogue of the 1933 film Duck Soup: ↗

— Groucho Marx

#humor #humor

Waitress: "And to drink?" Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor

...I just pulled a pretty big job and needed to hide out for awhile." "...Where's all the loot?" "That, as my cousin Nord would say, is where my improvised lie falls apart." Artemis put two and two together and arrived at a very unpleasant four. "You were here to rob me!" "No, I wasn't. How dare you?! ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#humor #mulch #theif #humor

Crow paced back and forth, his form flickering like flame. “It’s been a thousand years, Alister. I never intended for anyone to find it, so it’s very well protected. One little misstep, and you and my line will be history.” “Since when are you so concerned about your line?” Han said. Crow stared at him for a long moment. “Since I found out I had one, ↗

— Cinda Williams Chima

#han #humor #humor

Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?" Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity. ↗

— Eoin Colfer

#artemis-fowl-humor #funny #relativity #time-travel #funny

Knowing is not simply a material act, since the object that is known always conceals something beyond the empirical datum. All our knowledge, even the most simple, is always a minor miracle, since it can never be fully explained by the material instruments that we apply to it. In every truth there is something more than we would have expected, in the love that we receive there is always an element that surprises us. ↗

— Pope Benedict XVI

#learning #love #spirit #surprise #truth

Our listeners asked us: "What is chaos?" We're answering: "We do not comment on economic policy. ↗

— John Vaillant

#economic-policy #humor #radio-call-in-shows #russia #humor

His hands on the sides of her face, on her neck, holding her there. "Chessie...shit, Chessie, I love you so bad." His teeth on her throat, biting hard, his lips soothing the spot. "So fucking much, so...so bad. ↗

— Stacia Kane

#downside-ghosts #terrible #love

Some police forces would believe anything. Not the Metropolitan police, though. The Met was the hardest, most cynically pragmatic, most stubbornly down-to-earth police force in Britain. It would take a lot to phase a copper from the Met. It would take, for example, a huge, battered car that was nothing more nor less than a fireball, a blazing, roaring, twisted metal lemon from Hell, driven by a grinning lunatic in sunglasses, sitting amid the flames, trailing thick black smoke, coming straight at them through the lashing rain and wind at eighty miles an hour. That would do it every time. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#good-omens #humor #neil-gaiman #terry-pratchett #humor