#pa

The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
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— Jarod Kintz

#attacked #children #funny #humor #kids

Love is a bicycle with two pancakes for wheels. You may see love as more of an exercise in hard work, but I see it as more of a breakfast on the go. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bicycle #breakfast #exercise #funny #humor

I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they? ↗

— Jess C. Scott

#cool #desire #erotic #erotica #funny

Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#holding-hands #humor #life #love #lovers

Being with her I feel a pain, like a frozen knife stuck in my chest. An awful pain, but the funny thing is I'm thankful for it. It's like that frozen pain and my very existence are one. The pain is an anchor, mooring me here. ↗

— Haruki Murakami

#pain #funny

I will never buy a fish tank, because I don't believe in supporting the funding of aquatic war machines. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fish-tank #funny #nonsense #pacifism #funny

I swore I'd never become some lord's brainless arm ornament and political host, but I've become far worse. I'm a glorified housekeeper and sperm donor. -from the journal of Payton Marcus Townsend. ↗

— J.L. Langley

#payton #funny

I was a militant smoker, and in my case, I think I particularly used smoking because what I felt was a kind of politically correct big brother assault on smoking. ↗

— Joe Eszterhas

#because #big #big brother #brother #case

Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless ↗

— Kiersten White

#funny #kiersten-white #paranormalcy #funny

He and the girl had almost nothing to say to each other. One thing he did say was, 'I ain't got any tattoo on my back.' 'What you got on it?' the girl said. 'My shirt,' Parker said. 'Haw.' 'Haw, haw,' the girl said politely. ↗

— Flannery O'Connor

#parkers-back #funny