#pol

Dr Urbino did not agree: in his opinion a Liberal president was exactly the same as a Conservative president, but not as well dressed. ↗

— Gabriel Garcí­a Márquez

#politics #humor

AMNESTY, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#crime #humor #immigration #politics #punishment

Indeed, one concern would be that the initial neoconservative response to a zombie outbreak would be to invade Iraq again out of force of habit. ↗

— Daniel W. Drezner

#politics #zombies #humor

I came from a disadvantaged home. They were Republicans. ↗

— Paul Tsongas

#politics #republicans #humor

Senator, I make it a point never to do math in public. ↗

— Paul W.

#inspirational #math #politics #humor

I like talking about people who don't have any power and it seems like some of the least powerful people in the United States are the migrant workers who come and do our work and don't have any rights as a result. And yet we still invite them to come here, and at the same time ask them to leave. ↗

— Stephen Colbert

#politics #humor

This was our last night. We only had one curtain call, Bree. And I thought they were going to give us a standing ovation, but no-o-o-. Do you know why half the audience stood up?" "To get a head start on the traffic," Bree said. "To get a head start on the traffic," Antonia agreed in indignation. "I mean, here we are, dancing and singing our little guts out, and all those folks want to do is get to bed early. I ask you, whatever happened to common courtesy? Whatever happened to decent manners? Doesn't anyone care about craft anymore? And on top of that, it's not even nice. ↗

— Mary Stanton

#disappointment #expectations #humor #performance #play

Dear Bill (O'Reilly)...I am concerned that you have been losing touch with reality recently. Did you really say you are more powerful than any politician? That reminds me of the famous story about Squeaky the Chicago Mouse. It seems that Squeaky was floating on his back along the Chicago River one day. Approaching the Michigan Avenue lift bridge, he called out: Raise the bridge! I have an erection! ↗

— Roger Ebert

#politics #humor

GRAPESHOT, n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism. ↗

— Ambrose Bierce

#politics #socialism #humor

Handcuffs barely wrap around the girth of my penis. I should run for Congress. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#humor #politics #humor