#pre

Obstinate, headstrong girl! ↗

— Jane Austen

#pride-and-prejudice #humor

All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money. ↗

— RuPaul

#money #past #present #sins #thought

Without thinking, [Will] spoke. 'Halt? Are you awake?' 'No.' The ill humor in the one-word reply was unmistakable. 'Oh. Sorry.' 'Shut up.' He pondered whether to apologize again and decided this would go against the instruction to shut up, so remained silent. ↗

— John Flanagan

#ranger-s-apprentice #will #humor

When your past shows up to haunt you, make sure it comes after supper so it doesn't ruin your whole day. ↗

— Jay Wickre

#dark-humor #depression #humor #reality #humor

You see, I, unlike you, have been made a prefect, which means that I, unlike you, have the power to hand out punishments.” “Yeah,” said Harry, “but you, unlike me, are a git. ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#humor #prefect #humor

Laziness acknowledges the relation of the present to the past but ignores its relation to the future; impatience acknowledge its relation to the future but ignores its relation to the past; neither the lazy nor the impatient man, that is, accepts the present instant in its full reality and so cannot love his neighbour completely. ↗

— W.H. Auden

#impatience #laziness #past #love

You have no idea about presents or what they mean. The last present you gave me was a stick.” “You wanted a weapon.” “It was a stick.” “It had a bow on it.” “It was a stick.” “I thought you liked the stick. You laughed. ↗

— Derek Landy

#presents #skulduggery-pleasant #stick #valkyrie-cain #weapon

Hate people on an individual basis only - you must actually get to know someone at least slightly before you can properly hate him or her. ↗

— Jill Conner Browne

#prejudice #humor

People who could easily be mistaken as preteens just shouldn’t even try to pull off the look-at-me-I’m-so-serious-and-mysterious-and-sexy look. Especially while driving because, please, you look like you are twelve and a half and driving with a serious look. Most kids who get the opportunity to drive illegally are smiling so big that they look dyslexic and about to piss their pants with excitement because they are in operation of a vehicle that isn’t manufactured by PlayStation. ↗

— Chase Brooks

#humor #playstation #preteens #sexy #humor

It can be exhausting eating a meal cooked by a man. With a woman, it's, Ho hum, pass the beans. A guy, you have to act like he just built the Taj Mahal. ↗

— Deb Caletti

#cooking #gender-stereotypes #humor #humor