#pro

He looked at her defiantly, and she thought: and so one at a time we all become human—human werewolves, human dwarfs, human trolls …the melting pot melts in one direction only, and so we make progress. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#humor #progress #funny

Mass narcolepsy is one of the more fortunate side effects of profundity. It ensures everyone will have a singular awareness of life that won’t overlap with yours. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #narcolepsy #profundity #sleeping #funny

I always procrastinate. It allows me to do what I want now without sacrificing my goals for the future. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #goals #humor #procrastination #funny

I sat down and tried to write a story. "Ian MacArthur is a wonderful sweet fellow who wears glasses and peers out of them with delight." That was the first sentence. The problem was that I just couldn't think of the next one. After cleaning my room three times, I decided to leave Ian alone for a while because I was starting to get mad at him. ↗

— Stephen Chbosky

#funny #humor #writer-s-block #writing #writing-process

I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#applaud #applause #approve #clap #clapping

[Or perhaps my friends should have realized that they shouldn't have left behind the FRICKING REASON FOR THEIR PROTEST! And that thought just cracked me up.] It was like my friends had walked over the backs of baby seals in order to get to the beach where they could protest against the slaughter of baby seals. ↗

— Sherman Alexie

#dark-humor #funny #irony #misguided-protest #protest

Alas! Charles made the promise glibly, and forgot all about it. ↗

— Whipplesnaith

#funny #promise #funny

His heart beat so rapidly it might burst; he kept telling himself everything was fine so long as he remained a giraffe. ↗

— Andrew Sturm

#funny #humor #kirkwood #project #funny

When you’re busy, avoid taking the quickest action. Instead make the extra effort to truly serve the customer. ↗

— Marilyn Suttle

#customer-service #inspirational #self-improvement #success #business

Professor: A mind not broad enough to encompass its specific sub-discipline, so it loses itself within its position instead. If nothing else, others will be made to grasp the meaning of 'Emeritus' – through its effects if not its etymology. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #professor #funny