#r

The only good hero is the kind who survives to talk about merchandising. ↗

— Simon R. Green

#humor

I may be an idiot... but I'm not stupid. ↗

— icarly

#humor

Before I had kids, I always found it funny how people would talk about their children like they were the cutest things on the planet and how every little thing they did was endlessly fascinating. Now that I've had kids, I can say with certainty that, my children really are the cutest things on this planet and every little thing they do is endlessly fascinating... ↗

— Jennifer Miller

#humor #parenting #funny

Salvador Dalí seduced many ladies, particularly American ladies, but these seductions usually consisted of stripping them naked in his apartment, frying a couple of eggs, putting them on the woman's shoulders and, without a word, showing them the door. ↗

— Luis Buñuel

#surréalisme #humor

How much intelligence does it take to sneak up on a leaf? ↗

— Larry Niven

#hunter #vegetarian #humor

Man is conceived in sin and born in corruption and he passeth from the stink of the didie to the stench of the shroud. There is always something (All The King's Men) ↗

— Robert Penn Warren

#novel #philosophy #pulitzer-prize #humor

If a couple has their picture taken at a wedding or other social gathering, and the woman looks hot, her guy could be blinking, chewing, or even mid-sneeze, and she’ll still display it on her desk at work. ↗

— Brian P. Cleary

#observation #observational-comedy #humor

There are two Newman's laws. The first one is "It is useless to put on your brakes when you're upside down." The second is "Just when things look darkest, they go black. ↗

— Paul Newman

#law #humor

A hat should be taken off when greeting a lady, and left off the rest of your life. Nothing looks more stupid than a hat. ↗

— P.J. O'Rourke

#humor #manners #humor

The alcohol had the effect of making the black cloth blacker. This amused her; she had noted in her journal: "booze affects material as it does people. ↗

— Alice Sebold

#humor #humor