#r

Usually I am the only subject I care to discuss with company. But when I'm getting reacquainted with an old friend, I really enjoy just sitting back and listening to them talk about me for a while. ↗

— Bauvard

#friendship #funny #humor #friendship

If you can't impress them with your personality, baffle them with your bullsh** ↗

— Grandpa

#humor

I was tempted to tell her it was because we were British and actually had a sense of humour, but I try not to be cruel to foreigners, especially when they're that strung out. ↗

— Ben Aaronovitch

#humour #sense-of-humor #humor

You do that Helen", Mallory dared. "And tell him we said to f*ck off while youre at it". ↗

— Chloe Neill

#helen #humor #mallory #swearing #humor

A girl with plenty to do is sure to draw the interest of a man who's worth knowing. Be sure to get a hobby girls. ↗

— Barbara Jean Coast

#humor

One must love a cat on its own terms. ↗

— Paul Gray

#humor #humor

No dead people beyond this door,' " he read aloud from beyond the door. " 'And, yes, if you suddenly have the ability to walk through walls, you're dead. You're not lying somewhere in a drainage ditch waiting to wake up. Get over it, and stay the hell out of my bathroom. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor

How does knowing 'things could be worse' than what I already deem is awful make me feel any better? You mean I could sink even lower? Oh joy! ↗

— Richelle E. Goodrich

#pessimism #richelle #richelle-goodrich #sarcasm #sarcasm-humor

Then I yelled through his door, "It's an anniversary gift for you, asshole. Two whole weeks early. FIFTEEN YEARS IS BIG METAL CHICKENS. ↗

— Jenny Lawson

#humor

Who's Magnus?" Max inquired "He's a warlock," said Alec "A sexy, sexy warlock," Isabelle told Max. "But warlocks are bad," protested Max "Exactly". ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor