#r

I'm glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, "My God! I love everything." Yeah, now if that isn't a hazard to our country … how are we gonna justify arms dealing when we realize that we're all one? ↗

— Bill Hicks

#humor #politics #humor

Did you see me disarm Hermione, Harry?" "Only once" said Hermione stung. "I got you loads more then you got me-" "I did not only get you once, I got you at least three times-" "Well if you're counting the one where you tripped over your own feet and knocked the wand out of my hand- ↗

— J.K. Rowling

#harry-potter #hermione-granger #humor #ron-weasley #humor

Is this one of those keep-your-friends-close-and-your-enemies-closer things?" "I though it was keep your friends close so you have someone to drive the car when you sneak over to your enemy's house at night and throw up in his mailbox. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#humor #jace-lightwood #mortal-instruments #simon-lewis #humor

What's another word for Thesaurus? ↗

— Steven Wright

#another #thesaurus #word

If your heart tends to force friends to do as you say, seed of discord is being planted in your relationship. ↗

— Toba Beta

#force #friendship #relationship #friendship

Geez, you guys. I know I'm popular and all, but seriously, you're a bit too co-dependent for me. I'm going to need you to step away from my personal bubble." A wispy vine-woman curled ivy tendrils around his arm, and he sliced through them with his dagger. "No! Bad Wraith! No touchie! ↗

— Julie Kagawa

#humor

Tomorrow is promised to no one. ↗

— Clint Eastwood

#tomorrow #humor

After a long pause in which he took the time to blink several times, he asked, "You named your breasts?" I turned my back to him with a shrug. "I named my ovaries, too, but they don't get out as much. ↗

— Darynda Jones

#humor #humor

There'll be no more music, Father. But there'll be this!" He stepped into the dark, picked up the knife, and held it under their noses. "Go home. Tell your people what you saw and heard here tonight. And tell 'em that anyone we catch on these roads after dark anymore... this is what they'll get. Now that I know we're never to see the face o' God, we have nothing to lose. So, make sure you have your message right, Father, 'cause there'll be no other warning. ↗

— Eddie Lenihan

#faery #fairy #knife #music #warning

So the first thing we're gonna do," I told him, "is push you off the roof. ↗

— James Patterson

#maxride #humor