#r

Colt has the subtlety of a car alarm. ↗

— Karsten Knight

#humor

She's Magnificent," Darius said, smiling proudly as he vaulted the steps and followed Aphrodite. "I can think of a lot of m words that she could be. Magnificent isn't one of them," Stark grumbled. "Mental and mean pop into my head," I said. "Manure pops into mine," Stark said. "Manure?" "I think she's full of shit, but it's to many words and doesn't start with an m, so that's as close as I could get," he said. ↗

— P.C. Cast

#humor

There is an old American saying 'He who lives in a glass house should not try to kill two birds with one stone. ↗

— Vladimir Nabokov

#humor

I like fish," chirruped Tunstell. "Really, Mr. Tunstell? What is your preferred breed?" "Well"--Tunstell hesitated--"you know, the um, ones that"--he made a swooping motion with both hands--"uh, swim. ↗

— Gail Carriger

#humor

Anthony: Now lower your dress a little- Roslynn: Anthony! Anthony: This is no time for offended modesty... You're the distraction. Roslynn: Och, well, in that case. Anthony: That's quite low enough, my dear... Roslynn: I was only trying to help, Anthony: Commendable, but we want the chap to ogle you, not bust his breeches. ↗

— Johanna Lindsey

#humor

He also deeply distrusts vampires, as you had guessed yourself,” Bones added. “Aside from that, all I heard was enough repetitions of ‘how many chucks could a woodchuck chuck’ to make me want to stake myself. ↗

— Jeaniene Frost

#funny-as-hell #humorous #one-grave-at-a-time #funny

How can you read and talk at the same time?” I asked. “Well, I usually can’t, but neither the book nor the conversation is particularly intellectually challenging. ↗

— John Green

#reading #talking #humor

Zane looked down at him and yanked away the pillow and then all the covers. "Ty, I mean it. Do not go to sleep," he said firmly. "Nap nazi," Ty accused miserably. ↗

— Abigail Roux

#humor

Wisdom is one of the few things that looks bigger the further away it is. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#wisdom #witches #humor

It’s ironic that as scientists that don’t believe in god, were the ones that are closest to god. ↗

— Hiromu Arakawa

#humor #humor