#ra

It took a long moment, but Gerard finally raised his head and looked Jon in the eye. “It meant that I have not been honest with you, Jon Calder, and if you are to understand the danger you are in now, I must tell you everything, no matter if you believe me or not. ↗

— Hank Edwards

#medieval #time-travel #erotic-romance

In another language, I’ll bet the word “Agatha” means “To shine one’s shoes with the water from a toilet made of tin foil.” Thinking about all the microwave safe words in the universe makes my feet sweat. I need some new Band Aids. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#random #funny

Okay, well I think the programme is like being screamed at for an hour by a drunk with a strobe-light, but like I said-- ↗

— David Nicholls

#hilarious #saracasm #funny

Tried to escape, to block out the fact that I was being eaten alive by arachnids. For some reason the only thing I could replace it with was the image of being eaten by tiny clowns. ↗

— David Wong

#random #funny

Jocko likes salty, Jocko likes sweet, but never bring Jocko any hot sauce, like with jalapenos, because it makes Jocko squirt funny-smelling stuff out his ears. ↗

— Dean Koontz

#jocko #salty #sweet #funny

And since when is stealing people's possessions the call of God? you are all hypocrites who have suddenly come into power, and you don't know how to handle it ↗

— Dalia Sofer

#funny #insult #septembers-of-shiraz #funny

First you jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down. ↗

— Ray Bradbury

#inspirational

How do you know?” “Well, I don’t, I’m making this up, but I bet I’m right. ↗

— Robyn Carr

#cute #funny #humour #romance #romantic

I beg your pardon; I am drunk without a drink. English wine & words are vulnerable to every man. ↗

— Santosh Kalwar

#english #funny #man #vulnerable #funny

Fifteen minutes later, Justin looks at his pint of blood with pride. He doesn't want it to go to some stranger, he almost wants to bring it to the hospital himself, survey the wards and present it to someone special, for it's the first thing to come straight from his heart in a very long time. ↗

— Cecelia Ahern

#heart #humour #random #funny