#ran

Being dead wasn't supposed to hurt. Where was the fairness in that? If I was dead, the least the universe could do was make it painless ↗

— Kiersten White

#funny #kiersten-white #paranormalcy #funny

Her name badge read: Hello! My name is DIE, DEMIGOD SCUM! ↗

— Rick Riordan

#funny #hilarious #humor #laugh-out-loud #name-badge

I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#funny #grandpa #old-people #funny

Loki'd! ↗

— Tom Hiddleston

#funny #god #hiddleston #loki #mischief

Haha, I can't hit you. If I did, I'd feel sorry for the person who'd have to clean up the mess of your splattered brain. ↗

— Kyousuke Motomi

#humor #funny

Yesterday, at the company party, I made a joke and everyone laughed and said, “Hey, now there’s the Jarod Kintz we all know and love.” and I smiled, but inside I thought, “Actually, the Jarod Kintz you know and love was my clone, who I had to murder because he kept eating all my leftovers. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#clones #funny #humor #laughed #murder

Horace, who had been trying to find out the meaning of Kurokuma for some time now, was pleased to hear the translation. "Black bear," he repeated. "It's undoubtedly because I'm so terrible in battle." "I'd guess so," Will put in. "I've seen you in battle and you're definitely terrible. ↗

— John Flanagan

#nickname #ranger-s-apprentice #funny

All of my best friends are dead people. Someday I've got to figure out how that happened. ↗

— Claudia Gray

#friends #funny #random #vic #funny

He raised his hand in a peaceful gesture. "You need to relax a bit, dove. Like Mouse over there. You trust me, don't you, Mouse?" "Nope!" "Ahhh, I'm hurt. Nobody likes me. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #julie #kate #kate-daniels #magic-burns

Deliverance is about what I went through the first time. And I chalk it up as a learning experience. ↗

— Bubba Sparxxx

#chalk #deliverance #experience #first #first time