#rand

I walked in on my folks doing it doggy style less than four hours ago." "Waitress!" Jonas screamed, clicking his fingers madly. "Bring two!" then, more quietly,"You want a neck massage? A bedtime story? A bullet in the ear? ↗

— MaryJanice Davidson

#funny-and-random #funny

Give us that grand word "woman" once again, and let's have done with "lady"; one's a term full of fine force, strong, beautiful, and firm, fit for the noblest use of tongue or pen; and one's a word for lackeys. ↗

— Ella Wheeler Wilcox

#beautiful #done #fine #firm #fit

Every summer, my grandparents would rent a house on Balboa Island. They had the house next to Bob Hope's. I've been going down there all my life, to that whole area. ↗

— Mike Love

#been #bob #down #every #going

My great-grandfather was a coal miner, who worked in Pennsylvania mines when carts were pulled by mules and mines were lit by candles. Mining was very dangerous work then. ↗

— Tim Murphy

#carts #coal #dangerous #great-grandfather #lit

Let the grand errand into America never be forgotten. ↗

— Ezra Stiles

#errand #forgotten #grand #into #never

Cecil reached for Dave, but Dave stepped back. "Dave, why are you doing this? You're not getting paid. Lovejoy called you off the case. You want the truth? You're compulsive. You can't leave it alone. You're like Adam Streeter, you know that? You live for danger." "I live for justice," Dave said. "Justice is a dream," Cecil scoffed, "a romantic ideal. Who the fuck gets justice in this life?(...) ↗

— Joseph Hansen

#lgbt #mystery #dreams

We could not, for example, arrive at a principle like that of entropy without introducing some additional principle, such as randomness, to this topography. ↗

— Michael Polanyi

#arrive #could #entropy #example #for example

To what shall we compare our fragile life? Life is like a speck of dust that alights upon a surface. It remains there, unmoved, until a draft threatens it. When a breeze comes it holds on till the last. Finally, a gust of wind comes and it is blown asunder. That is how fragile life is, like a speck of dust blown to nothingness. ↗

— Paul Worthington

#goodbye #grandma-s-secret #melted-dreams #wicked-turn #dreams

...did we meet in a previous life and it just slipped my mind?...The reason I'm asking is, you've got your hand practically down my bra cup, and that's usually reserved for men I've known longer than six minutes. ↗

— Brandy Alexander - Shelly Fredman

#no-such-thing-as #life

Grandpa had a good life, up until the day we slaughtered him and ate him. Honestly, he raised chickens, so he should have seen it coming.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #food #funny #grandpa #humor