#s

Breckin shrugs. “I’m new here. And if you haven’t deducted from my impeccable fashion sense, I think it’s safe to say that I’m…” he leans forward and cups his hand to his mouth in secrecy. “Mormon,” he whispers. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#funny #gay #mormon #teenager #funny

being afraid to take chances is scarier than actually doing things that challenge you. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#inspirational

You named the chicken, Chicken?" She looked embarrassed. "When we decided not to kill it, I got attached. ↗

— Tracey Garvis-Graves

#sweet #funny

You know how teachers tell you the magic word is 'please'? That's not true. The magic word is 'puke'. It will get you out of class faster than anything else. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy-jackson #puke #funny

Jace said that the cast of Gilligan's Island could do something anatomically unlikely with themselves. ↗

— Cassandra Clare

#funny #gilligan-s-island #jace #laugh #mortal-instruments

My love is like the shape your mouth makes while you whistle. Would you mind if I accompanied you on my harmonica? 
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#accompany #bizarre #funny #harmonica #humor

It's funny, but certain faces seem to go in and out of style. You look at old photographs and everybody has a certain look to them, almost as if they're related. Look at pictures from ten years later and you can see that there's a new kind of face starting to predominate, and that the old faces are fading away and vanishing, never to be seen again. ↗

— Alan Moore

#fiction #photographs #time #funny

Gundar seemed to come to a decision. "Well, as my old mam used to say, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck and walks like a duck, it's probably a duck." "Very wise," Halt said. "And what exactly do your mother's words of wisdom have to do with this situation?" Gundar shrugged. "It looks like a channel. It's the right place for a channel. If I were digging one, this is where I'd dig a channel. So. . ." "So it's probably the channel?" Selethen said. Gundar grinned at him. "Either that or it's a duck. ↗

— John Flanagan

#rangers-apprentice #sayings #funny

I was nervous. Like an ice cube, I just froze up. Then I melted in some strange guy’s drink.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#alcohol #bizarre #drink #freeze #froze

She handed him a glass of water and two Aleve gelcaps. “They’re anti-inflammatories. They will dull the pain a little bit and keep down swelling and redness. Swallow the pills, don’t chew.” “Well, I thought I’d stick them into my nose and impersonate a walrus, but if you insist, I’ll swallow them. ↗

— Ilona Andrews

#funny #medicine #rose #funny