#s

My shining dishonesty will be the salvation of me. ↗

— Diana Wynne Jones

#humour #lying #salvation #humor

His mother?" Gracie couldn't believe it. Suzy Denton looked much too young to be his mother. And much too respectable. "But you're not a-" She cut herself off in mid-sentence as she realized what she'd almost let slip. Suzy's wedding ring clicked against the steering wheel as she gave it a hard smack. "I'm going to kill him! He's been telling that hooker story again, hasn't he? ↗

— Susan Elizabeth Phillips

#humor #lies #mother #humor

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes. ↗

— Patton Oswalt

#gender #humor #masculinity #romance #romance-novels

Well enough,” I reply. “Remember, you’re drunk. And happy. You’re supposed to be lusting over your escort. Try smiling a little more.” Day plasters a giant artificial smile on his face. As charming as ever. “Aw, come on, sweetheart. I thought I was doing a pretty good job. I got my arm around the prettiest escort on this block—how could I not be lusting over you? Don’t I look like I’m lusting? This is me, lusting.” His lashes flutter at me. He looks so ridiculous that I can’t help laughing. Another passerby glances at me. “Much better. ↗

— Marie Lu

#humor #lust #pretending #humor

I didn't know this before, but as it turns out, Tyrannosaurs can really haul ass. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#humor #humor

Question (from a reader) : Will the Wise Goddess Athena overthrow Zeus and become the ruler of Olympus? Athena's answer : What an interesting idea . . . No, just kidding, Dad. Put away the lightning bolt. ↗

— Rick Riordan

#percy-jackson #humor

Another Thing I'm Sick of Hearing: If I started that gay rights group, I must be gay. So if i start an animal rights group, what does that make me? A giraffe? ↗

— James Howe

#gay-rights #humor #humor

Obstinate, headstrong girl! ↗

— Jane Austen

#pride-and-prejudice #humor

I look down from the branch I'm perched on. The Careers look murderous. Now I smile.'How have things been with you?' I ask sweetly. ↗

— Suzanne Collins

#cato #clove #glimmer #humor #katniss

Of all the idiots I have met in my life, and the Lord knows they have not been few or little, I think that I have been the biggest. ↗

— Karen Blixen

#inspirational #humor