#said

I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said 'Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote 'Jesus' on it. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#christmas #early #happy #i #jesus

I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar. ↗

— Demetri Martin

#cute #does #dog #eat #feel

They said just keep doing my thing, don't try to change anything, which I won't. ↗

— Paul McDonald

#change #doing #i #just #keep

Some smart man once said that on the most exalted throne in the world, we are seated on nothing but our own arse. ↗

— Wendell Mayes

#exalted #man #most #nothing #once

Lance Armstrong, the famous cyclist and more importantly, cancer survivor, has said 'if you ever get a second chance for something, you've got to go all the way.' ↗

— Michael N. Castle

#cancer #chance #cyclist #ever #famous

When I was in the ring at the Olympics, it was my father's words that I was hearing, not the coaches'. 'I never listened to what the coaches said. I would call my father and he would give me advice from prison. ↗

— Floyd Mayweather, Jr.

#call #coaches #father #give #give me

On 'don't ask, don't tell' I was always the same. I said we needed a complete review of the impact on morale and battle effectiveness of 'don't ask, don't tell' before we repeal it. That's my position now. Now they're trying to ram through a repeal without a - any kind of really realistic survey done. ↗

— John McCain

#any #ask #battle #before #complete

I was singing a lot of waltzes. And I was with Jerry Kennedy, my producer, and he was playing me some songs, and he said, hey, I want to play you this song that I'm going to get Jackie Ward to record. ↗

— Reba McEntire

#going #hey #i #jackie #jerry

I have always said I will try to answer questions honestly. I don't want to change that about myself. I think people appreciate that about me. ↗

— Rory McIlroy

#always #answer #appreciate #change #honestly

We have always said that in our war with the Arabs we had a secret weapon - no alternative. ↗

— Golda Meir

#always #arabs #had #our #said