#sex

I want to write a book called, "Ten Steps to Asexuality." Of course, I recommend all those steps be taken in Birkenstock sandals. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#book #funny #write #funny

Come live with us, Diana. Don't argue. Just say yes." Diana looked at the ground to hide her emotions. Then she said, "Would I have to be hearing you two going at it night and day? ↗

— Michael Grant

#come-live-with-us #diana #funny #gone #gone-series

I won't consider getting horizontal with someone I can barely tolerate when we're vertical. ↗

— Nora Roberts

#sex-humour #funny

Cooking without wine is like sex alone. You may get the job done, but you don't really care once it's over. ↗

— Andrew Grey

#funny #sex #funny

Six minutes isn’t sex,” I hear him saying as my eyes crash shut. “Six minutes is a boiled egg. ↗

— Sophie Kinsella

#nathaniel #samantha-sweeting #sex #funny

The Brit's face shares a heritage with a junkyard butt-sniffing mutt. It's a hard-earned moonshine mug, dotted with a hairy mole that looks like a rat's been gnawing on it. His beard looks like a white sneeze. The teeth are jagged and out of alignment, having opened quarts at Jiffy Quick Lube for half a decade. ↗

— Brett Tate

#funny #humor #humour #memoir #sex

Her descriptions will be incandescent, perfect little nuggets of phraseology, and there will probably be lots of sex in her writing - the clinical type of sex with labias and clitorises and tongues going everywhere. ↗

— Susan Breen

#humor #sex #writing #funny

Sadly for my wedding plans, I learned that Nestor is a bardash. I envy the men who enjoy his favors. He has always treated me with friendship which I now value more than my old romantic feelings. ↗

— Tamora Pierce

#friends #homosexuality #friendship

I glance down his body. He's still wearing his shorts and his shirt, and I still have my T-shirt on. Jeez-- talk about wham, bam, thank you ma'am. ↗

— E.L. James

#anastasia-steele #christian-grey #e-l-james #fifty-shades #fifty-shades-freed

...our witness, one Edward Littleton, was a gay as Elton John's handbag. ↗

— Ann Somerville

#funny #gay #homosexuality #humor #humour