#sex

Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft are written by men. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#sexism #humor

It’s the only thing sexier than a sexy woman. A sexy woman cooking fuckin’ sausages. ↗

— Roddy Doyle

#sexy-humor #humor

You take a dick and you get it wet and then you put it someplace tight— ↗

— K.A. Mitchell

#humor #sex #humor

Just FYI," Lenny says, his face still red from the nasty sunburn. "I've got a shitload of condoms in my duffle. Front pocket." "For what?" "Listen if you don't know what condoms are for I'm not gonna teach you." "I know what they're for, shithead. I just highly doubt you're getting any ass on this trip." "Watch me," Lenny says. "My boy gets action all the time." "Yeah, I bet your right hand is tired from all that action" I mumble as I walk to the bathroom. "I'm a leftie!" Lenny calls after me. I try not to wince from thinking about it. ↗

— Simone Elkeles

#humor

Hi honey, I’m home! Take your pants off!” Wesley announced. He kissed my cheek as he passed me and put his lunch container in the sink. ↗

— J.M. Colail

#humor #lgbt #relationship #sex #humor

Open your eyes, baby. Look at me.” He pressed his forehead down to meet mine, my eyelids fluttering open at his command. “Look at me and tell me you don’t want it.” I peered up at him with unsteady breaths, hearing his throat work when I tilted my lips to graze his. The contact was feather light, my heart hammering through my chest at the feel of it. “I’m looking,” I breathed against him. “Good. Because right now, all I want to do is rip your clothes off and make you come until you can’t stand, and I want your eyes on me the whole time, are we clear?” -Jackson and Emma ↗

— Rachael Wade

#intimacy #love #sex #love

for a man of 55 who didn't get laid until he was 23 and not very often until he was 50 I think that I should stay listed via Pacific Telephone until I get as much as the average man has had ↗

— Charles Bukowski

#love

Have you ever heard of the expression, ladies first" "Yes" "Well, it's truer in bed than it is anywhere else. ↗

— Sherrilyn Kenyon

#sex #humor

Don't explain computers to laymen. Simpler to explain sex to a virgin. ↗

— Robert A. Heinlein

#humor #sex #technology #technophobes #wit

Our love of lockstep is our greatest curse, the source of all that bedevils us. It is the source of homophobia, xenophobia, racism, sexism, terrorism, bigotry of every variety and hue, because it tells us there is one right way to do things, to look, to behave, to feel, when the only right way is to feel your heart hammering inside you and to listen to what its timpani is saying. ↗

— Anna Quindlen

#homophobia #lockstep #racism #sexism #terrorism