#si

Your perception is riveting, Amal," he says in a bored and sarcastic tone, dropping the note down on my desk. "It's comforting to know that there are people in my class who have the maturity and intelligence to make derogatory comments about other people's external appearances." Now what am I supposed to say to that? "What do you have to say for yourself?" Friggin' mind reader. ↗

— Randa Abdel-Fattah

#mind-reader #note-passing #teacher #funny

Paddy Eagan, stay away from falling signs for a bit and you'll be as right as rain come the weekend. ↗

— Elizabeth C. Bunce

#injury #signs #weekend #funny

Funny,’ Will said, as they picked their way through. ‘Things are absolutely awful and yet people look much happier than usual. Look at them all. Bubbling.’ ‘They are English,’ Merriman said. ‘Quite right,’ said Will’s father. ‘Splendid in adversity, tedious when safe. Never content, in fact. We’re an odd lot…. ↗

— Susan Cooper

#humour #the-dark-is-rising #truism #funny

I would never say snog. I would say osculate.” She looks at me as if to say: why do you exist? ↗

— Joe Dunthorne

#kissing #funny

A man without debts is a man without anything to live for. Debt is collateral for life. It provides you with obligations to others, gives you duty, gives you purpose: the purpose to protect those possessions which you would not otherwise have without your debt. Debt is the most responsible way to elevate your social position. ↗

— Bauvard

#funny #humor #life #responsibility #funny

Bricks could take the place of corporate CEOs. They have about the same level of thinking, but bricks are far more ethical than most CEOs. ↗

— Amy Summers

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #business #ceos

Blankets have been used by companies for years for enterprise risk management because it is much easier to cover up problems than it is to identify and fix them. ↗

— Amy Summers

#brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #business #enterprise-risk-management

You can use a brick and blanket to create a brick-to-blanket ratio. With the brick-to-blanket ratio you divide the market value of a brick to the book value of a blanket, and you come up with a meaningless ratio that allows you to “evaluate” a company, it’s similar to the market-to-book ratio. ↗

— Amy Summers

#brick-and-blanket-iq-test #brick-and-blanket-responses #brick-and-blanket-test #brick-and-blanket-uses #business

It’s true—there are only, like, two songs about rainbows, including that one. He should be asking why there are so few songs about rainbows. ↗

— Cheryl Cory

#funny #humor #kermit #muppets #music

I’m a bona fide bon vivant. Tonight, I gave the toast. I told everyone it was spread with butter, but it was actually margarine. ↗

— Benson Bruno

#funny #humor #sincerity #funny