#sk

You've done what?" "I know," he said. "You're impressed. You send me out for bread and I come back with a boy. Well, not literally. That would be weird. Even for me. ↗

— Derek Landy

#humour #kingdom-of-the-wicked #skulduggery #valykrie #funny

Here it comes," she said with an expression of pure bliss. "Drug rush ... any moment now ... the surge of warmth ... bye-bye, Mr. Pain..." "Vee-" "Knock, knock." "This is really important-" "Knock, knock." "It's about Elliot-" "Knock, knoooock," she said in a singsong voice. I sighed. "Who's there?" "Boo." "Boo who?" "Boo-hoo, somebody's crying, and it's not me!" She broke into hysterical laughter. ↗

— Becca Fitzpatrick

#funny #hush-hush #nora-and-vee #nora-grey #vee-sky

The workshop door opened and Skulduggery emerged. "Ryan," he said, "stop leaning on my car. ↗

— Derek Landy

#pleasant #skulduggery #funny

Speaking of… does this mean you get your phone back?” I shrug. “I don’t really want that phone back. I’m hoping my whipped boyfriend will get me an iPhone for Christmas. ↗

— Colleen Hoover

#dean-holder #funny #hopeless #iphone #sky-and-dean

He’d use this opportunity to impress Rick and show him that he did, in fact, have more to offer than just being a sexy skanktart. To show that he wasn’t just a brainless bimfoon, that’s when a bimbo breeds with a buffoon, resulting in a true, hot mess. ↗

— Kyle Adams

#drag #drag-queen #funny #kyle-adams #skanktart

Donegan Bane and Gracious O'Callahan - the Monster Hunters. Adventurers, inventors, authors of Monster Hunting for Beginners and it's sequels, Monster Hunting for Beginners is Probably Inadvisable and Seriously, Dude, Stop Monster Hunting. ↗

— Derek Landy

#funny #girl #gracious #humour #hunting

I want your hand without the skin. Bone to bone without the molds. Mouth to mouth, without the porn. ↗

— Coco J. Ginger

#life #love #love-story #lover #lovers

Hang your merit. I don't seek anyone's approbation. ↗

— Fyodor Dostoyevsky

#approval #black-humor #disapproval #dishonesty #funny

It makes my skin crawl to think about the violent ways snakes, lizards, alligators and other exotic creatures are raised and killed for boots, bags and belts. ↗

— Kelly Brook

#alligators #bags #belts #boots #crawl

I hate Risk. I have for many years now. I hate that you still like Risk. I hate that you guilt me into playing with you because no one else will. I hate that you do the accents of the countries you’re attacking from. And I hate that you wear a beret every time we play. God, do I hate the beret. ↗

— Colin Nissan

#funny #hatred #humor #risk #funny