#smoking

Personally, if I were trying to discourage people from smoking, my sign would be a little different. In fact, I might even go too far in the opposite direction. My sign would say something like, "Smoke if you wish. But if you do, be prepared for the following series of events: First, we will confiscate your cigarette and extinguish it somewhere on the surface of your skin. We will then run you nicotine-stained fingers through a paper shredder and throw them into the street, where wild dogs will swallow them and then regurgitate them into the sewers, so that infected rats can further soil them before they're flushed out to sea with the rest of the city's filth. After such time, we will sysematically seek out your friends and loved one and destroy their lives." Wouldn't you like to see a sign like that? ↗

— George Carlin

#humor #smoking #funny

Smoking I find the most ridiculous of all the varieties of human behavior and practically the only one that is entirely against nature. Can you imagine a cow or any animal taking a mouthful of smoldering straw than breathing in the smoke and blowing it out through its nostrils? ↗

— Ian Fleming

#imagination

When I was a boy, I naively thought that this thing called happiness would be something I would wake up to find every day once I could smoke, drink and fornicate. ↗

— Jeffrey Bernard

#happiness #humor #sex #smoking #humor

Impotence is one of the major hazards of cigarette smoking. ↗

— Loni Anderson

#cigarette smoking #hazards #impotence #major #smoking

I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: "Oh well," and I went back to smoking again, and that was better. ↗

— Benny Hill

#again #back #better #cigarettes #day

Due to state laws, the restaurant was nonsmoking, which as a nonsmoker pleases me, but as a Libertarian it pisses me off.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#big-brother #choice #freedom #law #laws

When you don't hold your pipe with the proper poise, smoking is very hazardous for your image. ↗

— Bauvard

#humor #self-image #smoking #funny

You can't be as old as I am without waking up with a surprised look on your face every morning: 'Holy Christ, whaddya know - I'm still around!' It's absolutely amazing that I survived all the booze and smoking and the cars and the career. ↗

— Paul Newman

#am #amazing #around #booze #career

The upside to smoking is that you get to be social. I was looking for a light when I bumped into Ben Harper's manager. A couple of days later, Ben and I were in the studio. ↗

— Beth Orton

#bumped #couple #days #get #harper

I had a rough spot about being a goody-goody Mormon, and not drinking or smoking. But I'm kind of grateful I've got this image now. There are no skeletons in my closet. What you see is what you get. ↗

— Donny Osmond

#being #closet #drinking #get #got