#som

He's wrong he's so he's so wrong he's more wrong than an upside-down rainbow. ↗

— Tahereh Mafi

#somewhat-funny #teensy-bit-sad #wrong #funny

Its a good thing I'm here, big guy, because you have shit taste in friends." Okay, I said the last part intentionally, knowing how Aaron would react. And right on cue, Aaron said: "He's not my friend!" "Well, I guess that settles it, Nick. You're not going to be rebound guy because, despite your predictions of woe, Aaron and I aren't breaking up. I'd say that we'll see you around, but I doubt that'll happen since you don't even rate friend status. ↗

— Cardeno C.

#funny-as-hell #m-m-romance #funny

Have you ever wanted to be somebody else? Today I fantasized about being my own identical monozygotic twin. How cool would that be? I could both be me, and yet be someone completely different. ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#fantasy #funny #monozygotic-twin #somebody-else #funny

I remember at the premiere of my second movie I started crying. I thought, I'm so bad that I either have to stop this and do something else or learn what I'm doing. ↗

— Josh Brolin

#crying #doing #either #else #i

It's probably a bit of a power trip when you befriend somebody enough that they trust you to tell you things. ↗

— Josh Brolin

#bit #enough #power #probably #somebody

I don’t worry about identity theft, because I don’t even know who I am as a person. So if I’m not even in possession of my own identity, how can it be stolen from me?
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

There may be a sucker born every minute, but every 30 seconds a lollipop pops out.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

She asked if I found what she was telling me very exciting, and I managed to yelp out “very” while yawning.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought

Of all the things I own, I’m most sentimental about my shoes, because they’ve traveled with me every step of my journey.
 ↗

— Jarod Kintz

#bizarre #funny #humor #random #random-thought