#t

I can't believe you just did that! Are you crazy?" I gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Why do people keep asking me that?" He turned to stare at me, his eyes worried. "Who else keeps asking you that? Are any of them doctors? ↗

— Janette Rallison

#lol #wit #humor

Everyone wants a piece of you. The trick is what piece to give. ↗

— Solange nicole

#humor #life #people #selfishness #society

Magrat said she could never make the wand do that and Esme said no because, she wasted time wishing for thinges to happen instead of working out how to make them happen. ↗

— Terry Pratchett

#make-it-happen #wishful-thinking #humor

Low maintance is what's forgettable. You might want to right that down, underline it, circle it and put a star by it. It's golden. ↗

— Gena Showalter Alice in Zombieland

#humor

I've heard of such a legend!' I gasped. 'A child descended from a union between Christ and Mary Magdalene!' 'Don't be so fucking stupid,' snorted Mons. 'There's hundreds of those! ↗

— Mark Gatiss

#humor #humor

Se sabe que las bicicletas han tratado por todos los medios de remediar su triste condición social. Pero en absolutamente todos los países de la tierra 'está prohibido entrar con bicicletas'. Algunos agregan: 'y perros', lo cual duplica en las bicicletas y en los canes su complejo de inferioridad. ↗

— Julio Cortázar

#discrimination #humor #humor

Life plots elegantly. ↗

— Alice Randall

#humor

Aw, kiss him, Gwen, clamored a hundred perky eggs. Shut up, she rebuked. We don't even know him, and until moments ago we thought he was dead. That's no way to start a relationship. ↗

— Karen Marie Moning

#eggs #gwen #humorous #karen-marie-moning #kiss

So you questioned him?" Raisa prompted. "What did he say for himself?" "Well, the first thing Gillen does is steal his purse and beat him with a club." Amon said. ↗

— Cinda Williams Chima

#club #humor #question #humor

We Americans live in a nation where the medical-care system is second to none in the world, unless you count maybe 25 or 30 little scuzzball countries like Scotland that we could vaporize in seconds if we felt like it. ↗

— Dave Barry

#heath #humor #humor