#t

Tohr jacked forward his in his seat. "What the hell!" As Lassiter's big body cut through the projection onto the screen, a gigantic pair of flapping breasts covered his face and chest. "Adventures in the Milfy Way. A true classic." "It's porn!" "Duh--" "Okay, I am not sitting through this with you" The angel, still standing up. shrugged. "Just wanted to make sure you know what you're missing. ↗

— J.R. Ward

#lassiter #tohr #humor

It costs me never a stab nor squirm / To tread by chance upon a worm. / Aha, my little dear, / I say, Your clan will pay me back one day. ↗

— Dorothy Parker

#humor #poetry #humor

Rose took my nose, I suppose,” he repeated; the bubble of phlegm in his throat made a disgusting crackle. “And it really blows. ↗

— James Dashner

#humor #humour #rose-took-my-nose #the-scorch-trials #humor

I wasn’t sure if I was charmed by his reluctance to share a bed with a girl or insulted that, apparently, I wasn’t hot enough for him to charge the mattress like a bull. ↗

— Maggie Stiefvater

#humor #sam-roth #humor

I was raised the old-fashioned way, with a stern set of moral principles: Never lie, cheat, steal or knowingly spread a venereal disease. Never speed up to hit a pedestrian or, or course, stop to kick a pedestrian who has already been hit. From which it followed, of course, that one would never ever -- on pain of deletion from dozens of Christmas card lists across the country -- vote Republican. ↗

— Barbara Ehrenreich

#politics #republicans #humor

But the aspect of secrets is they leak out. If they didn't leak, they wouldn't be interesting. ↗

— CLAMP

#secrets #humor

I was seducing shepherdesses when you weren't a twinkle in your great-grandcestor's eyes. I think I know what I'm doing. ↗

— Jim Butcher

#harry-dresden #humor #women #humor

Carved above the lintel were the words SCIENTIA POTESTAS EST. Science points east, I wondered? Science is portentous, yes? Science protests too much. Scientific potatoes rule. Had I stumbled on the lair of dangerous plant geneticists? ↗

— Ben Aaronovitch

#latin #humor

We assured Phelan that we were more than happy to let him have you and your menagerie,” Leo retorted. “After that, he said he needed to think.” “About what?” Beatrix demanded. “What is there to think about? Why is it taking him so long to make a decision?” “He’s a man, dear,” Amelia explained kindly. “Sustained thinking is very difficult for them. ↗

— Lisa Kleypas

#humor #men #thinking #humor

Writing a book is like sliding down a rainbow! Marketing it is like trudging through a field of chewed bubblegum on a hot, sticky day. ↗

— Betty Dravis

#wit #humor