#t

Her soul is clear of any red seals, but that won't last long, ' cause Papa's come to play. ↗

— Victoria Scott

#humor #the-collector #humor

Alice doesn't seem to mind because she's laughing too, and biting her lip, all doe-eyed, and tossing her freshly washed hair, and Norton tosses his lovely, glossy hair back, and she tosses her hair in return, and he tosses his, and she tosses hers, and it;s like some mating ritual on a wildlife program. ↗

— David Nicholls

#humor #humor

Believe me, when you die, it's everybody else's but your problem (The Gift) ↗

— Ceclia Adhern

#death

I cook to inspire my husband to pay attention to me. ↗

— Sonia Rumzi

#cooking #husband #inspirational

Horseman. I know you were born back when women were thought of as little more than brood mares and slaves, but it's the twenty-first century, and we can do anything a man does. ↗

— Larissa Ione

#humor #humor

Mom and Dad exchange a nervous glance and have a telepathic conversation about it. I hear every word. Do we let her out? It's past curfew. True, but look at that—at least she asked! I know! I can hardly believe it! She could have sneaked out, but she asked! I know! We're good parents! "What time will you be back?" Dad asks. ↗

— Courtney Summers

#parents #telepathic #humor

Did you hear that! Yuki, the heartless Yuki! Heartless Yuki has begged me with tears to let him visit my shop! ↗

— Natsuki Takaya

#humor

Callipygian: Having shapely buttocks. ↗

— Stephanie Perkins

#humor #humor

You can’t has,' he whispered softly, 'not yours. ↗

— Wil Wheaton

#fantasy #geekery #humor #humor

...looking angrily at the wombat: and a moment later, 'Come now, Stephen, this is coming it pretty high: your brute is eating my hat.' 'So he is, too,' said Dr. Maturin. 'But do not be perturbed, Jack; it will do him no harm, at all. His digestive processes-- ↗

— Patrick O'Brian

#humor #wombat #humor