#t

A bone to the dog is not charity. Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog. ↗

— Jack London

#charity #dog #hungry #just #shared

I wanted to join the Army the sign said 'Be All That You Can Be', they told me it wasn't enough. ↗

— Jay London

#enough #i #join #me #said

I was born nine months premature. ↗

— Jay London

#i #i was born #months #nine #premature

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out. ↗

— Jay London

#buy #falling #going #hair #i

I went out with a promiscuous impressionist - she did everybody. ↗

— Jay London

#everybody #i #impressionist #out #promiscuous

I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling. ↗

— Jay London

#asked #cent #i #kicked #me

I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who? ↗

— Jay London

#acute #compared #doctor #had #i

I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger. ↗

— Jay London

#bought #enough #finger #fingers #give

My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless. ↗

— Jay London

#gear #get #him #i #me

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality. ↗

— Jay London

#bought #down #fit #girlfriend #jacket