#t

I hope I never smell the smell of apples again!" said Fili. "My tub was full of ut. To smell apples everlastingly when you can scarcely move and are cold and sick with hunger is maddening. I could eat anything in the wide world now for hours on end - but not an apple! ↗

— J.R.R. Tolkien

#fantasy #humor #humor

Most of the pack would rather have Darryl mad at them than Auriele. ↗

— Patricia Briggs

#darryl #humor #mercy-thompson #silver-borne #humor

The joke was that President Bush only declared war when Starbucks was hit. You can mess with the U.N. all you want, but when you start interfering with the right to get caffeinated, someone has to pay. ↗

— Chris Kyle

#american #bush #caffeine #coffee #humor

If I could make it better I would,” he says. In some ways it’s a stupid, obvious thing to say, but the way he said it, so honest and simple like it’s the truest thing there is, makes the tears prick in my eyes. (Before I Fall) ↗

— Lauren Oliver

#love #truth #humor

Well, if the excitement's over, I think I'll take a bath.' 'Wow. The harsh lifestyle of a succubus. I wish I had your job.' 'Hey, our side's always recruiting. You might need to be a little prettier to be an incubus, though. And a little more charming.' 'Untrue. Mortal women go for jerks. I see it all the time.' 'Touché. ↗

— Richelle Mead

#chp #humor

Atticus "What's this religion going to be called?" Oberon "Poochism" A:"and the name of this holy writ I will be typing for you?" O:"The dead flea scrolls: A Sirius Prophecy. ↗

— Kevin Hearne

#great-filk #humor

In a town like London there are always plenty of not quite certifiable lunatics walking the streets, and they tend to gravitate towards bookshops, because a bookshop is one of the few places where you can hang about for a long time without spending any money. ↗

— George Orwell

#bookshops #humor #london #lunatics #madness

The preface? Why would he waste time with the preface? Skip the preface and move on to the meat of the thing! ↗

— Kenneth Oppel

#horror #nerd-humor #oppel #this-dark-endeavor #humor

Prickly When I'm feeling porcupine-y, I get nasty, I get whiny. Stay away or I might stick you. My sharp words are quills to prick you. ↗

— Laura Purdie Salas

#humor #poetry-quotes #porcupine #humor

Actually I'd always thought he sat in the library with a slim volume of metaphysical poetry until the commissioner called him on the bat phone and summoned him into action. Holy paranormal activity, Nightingale - to the Jag mobile. ↗

— Ben Aaronovitch

#humor #humor